Is It Time for the Birds and Bees Talk?

Over the past few years, I have spoken to many parents that are terrified of speaking to their kids about sex. I understand that it is an uncomfortable topic for some, but I also think we make a lot more of it than we should. Sex is pretty awesome in my humble opinion. It is also literally the reason we are all here right now, so I really think we need to get over the awkwardness of it.

Not long ago, I took one of my kids into the doctor’s office for a checkup. I had a pretty good relationship with the doctors at this clinic and had a lot of respect for their take on medicine, and life in general.

When the checkup was complete, the doctor and I started chatting about our kids and the challenges of being a parent. We each shared some funny stories about our kids, and we started talking about when kids cross the threshold into being a teenager. That is a difficult transition for both the parents and the kids, so it makes for some interesting conversation.

Since I trusted him and respected his opinion, I asked him what he thought a good age to have the birds and the bees talk would be. We had an eight-year-old and ten-year-old girl at the time, and they had asked some questions that we hadn’t answered very thoroughly. To that point, my wife and I hadn’t decided when the best time to have “the talk” would be.

Part of me thought it was too early, but the doctor told me something that made a lot of sense. He said: “At this age when they can understand the mechanics of sex, without the hormones getting in the way, you can prevent a lot of misconceptions that may develop.” It seemed so obvious, and I can’t understand how it hadn’t occurred to me before.

I went home and discussed it with my wife, and shortly thereafter, we had a chat with both girls. I was interested to see their reactions. There was a lot of disgust on their faces at certain points in the conversation, like I think you can expect from most kids, but they just accepted what we said as fact and moved on.

I was thrilled that we had checked off that particular box, and that they seemed to truly understand what we had explained. They weren’t all that interested in the subject material, but you could tell that we had answered at least some of their questions. They were excited to know where babies came from, as my wife was pregnant at the time. They were old enough to remember some of my wife’s previous pregnancies but were much more interested this time around.

One thing that we made sure that they understood, was that if they had questions about these types of things, they needed to come to us. We wanted the first crack at answering their questions and didn’t want their friends, the internet, or honestly, even their school teachers beating us to it.

It truly is mind-boggling the amount of information, true or not, good or not, that kids have access to. It is not hard to find information, and so much of the information out there is sketchy, especially about sex. I’ve tried to teach my kids that while mom and dad aren’t perfect, we are the initial source for questions.

Many times since, the kids will hear something that their friends are saying, or something on TV and have come back asking us to clarify some things. I’m so grateful that we opened that dialogue! The same openness will be just as important as we talk about drugs and other difficult topics.

Don’t be afraid to talk about sex with your kids. They WILL learn it from somewhere, and as a parent, I think it’s best to be able to have as much say as possible in how and what they are learning.